What dose Master want from his slave?
2001-05-22 // 9:19 p.m.
This slave thinks Master wants slave to fail, especialy after reading Master's weblogs. Master knows it is hard for slave to put anything down in writting. Master knows slave is very slow at writting or typing & yet he still wants her to do a weblog.
Master wanted slave to see if slave could stop talking about herself in the first person. This slave has found it hard, but this slave is trying to do it full time. This slave choose to do it that way because she has found out in her past vanilla life, that if she tries to do anything by halves she will fail. This slave must keep going over things until they become second nature. This slave has found that if she then stops it is just as hard to get back in to it again. Hence the slave wanting to do it full time.
This slave has acheived it at times in hard situtions, like ordering food for Master & slave. Master seemed to be saying that slave was not trying very hard. This slave has even had conversions with her Master, when she has managed not talked with Master as his equal but as his slave.
This slave has even manged to say to child mum wants instead of "I want", without child noticeing. This changed when Master said to child that he had bet & that slave was trying not to say "I". This slave thought Master was asking child to get slave (her mum) to say "I". This started ok & slave held out, untill child started hitting slave. Master did intervene, but Master did not seem to have the force in his voice that had stop child before. This slave was so hurt & shocked by by all of this, slave's child was hitting her harder & harder. This got slave so annoyed that slave started using "I". this slave ran to the bed in tears.
This slave was afriad of what she could do to child, afraid of being punished by Master for saying "I" & at the same time hurting from where child had hit her. This slave had found it so hard not to hit child. This slave knows that if she had of hit child then slave could have seriously harmed child in her rage, unless Master would have intervened further. This slave's child said she had thought she would get some money if she got slave (mum) to say "I". Master had not said this or meant this to happen, that he was saying that he had a bet with slave & not child. The slave's child said she was sorry.
This slave wonders if child should stay with slave now? Would child be safe with slave? Child not safe with Dad (not Master)! Child does not want to stay with Dad because of the pain he put child & slave (mum) through. This slave is sorry if she has upset Master.
"He is Master, i am slave
He is owner and i am owned
He commands and i obey
He is to be pleased and i am to please
why is this?
Because He is Master and i am slave"